Be My Own Valentine

by Guru Rattana, Ph.D.

Issue #82, February 12, 2004

I have a great idea I want to share with you. I decided I am going to send myself a Valentine this year. I wonder why it took me this many years to think of this loving plan. But never mind. There is still time to buy myself a card that makes me laugh and write myself a note telling myself nice things I would love to hear.

I mentioned this idea to my Kundalini Yoga class last night and everyone thought it was a great idea. One student, who had been wondering if his partner would be in town for the day, dropped his story of thinking the success of the day depended on someone else and decided to have a good time by himself. Everyone else immediately started thinking about what they could do for themselves to make this a special day. It is very interesting how the dependency programs vanished and the self-love and self-appreciation programs started to activate. When we went around the circle to share, everyone spontaneously shared something they really loved about themselves.

Valentines Day comes while the Sun is still in the territory of Set yourself free Aquarius. What better way to set ourselves free than to create our own happiness, pleasure and peace with ourselves? This is a good time to examine how we are programmed to look outside ourselves for entertainment, companionship, validation and attention. The basic problem with these co-dependency programs is that they are based on expectations that someone or something else can make us happy. The fatal flaw in this way of thinking is always exposed. No one can fulfill us. No one can make us feel whole. No one can complete us but ourselves. So even if we have moments of temporary happiness, the bubble will always burst. We will be disappointed in some way. We will feel let down. Something will not feel right. That something we must find in ourselves.

The good news is that as we find completion and happiness in ourselves, we are able to authentically enjoy the companionship of others. This is because we are not dependent upon their presence, acknowledgment or attention. They are icing on our cake. As we learn to be comfortable with ourselves, we can relax and be comfortable with others exactly the way they are and exactly how we are. What a relief for both parties! When we take care of ourselves, we dont burden others with our needy projections. When we are real with ourselves, we can be real with others. We lower the drama level and can start to enjoy what is happening in the moment. Others feel more comfortable around us when our reality is anchored in real feelings that we nurture and know how to respond to. As we let go of our fantasies, we reduce the barriers that separate us.

In short, there is a solution to co-dependence, neediness, fantasies and fear-based projections. We can spend time cultivating a loving relationship with ourselves. What better time to begin a new self-love program than Valentines Day? Here is a touchstone - Happiness is being my own best friend.


How about starting the day out with some Kundalini Yoga or your favorite spiritual practice. Be sure to include a meditation to open your heart. * Here is a Self-Love Meditation that you can do any time to reconnect with yourself. The order of the suggestions are not important. Pick one and concentrate on that. Then go to another. The goal is to be attentive to yourself.

Sit with your hands on your heart, one on top of the other.

Feel the rhythm of your breath in your chest.

Relax into the rhythm of your heart.

Listen to the heart beat.

Feel any other sensations under your hands and in the spine at the level of the heart. We often feel a warmth arise from deep within, in the spine and under the hands. Stay with these feels and let them pull your awareness deep within your heart.

Once you have established a focus on your heart, mentally add SAT on the inhale and NAM on the exhale. Simply listen to the breath breathe these sounds.

Feel the purity of your breath, heart and being. The purity of SAT NAM. I am the truth.

Listen to your heart as though it wanted to tell you something. Be patient. Do not expect anything specific. Just patiently and lovingly listen.

Enjoy being with your heart and yourself.


Blessing to each of you for a heart-felt self-love day! May you always enjoy being your own best friend!

References and Footnotes

Transitions to a Heart-Centered World by Guru Rattana is filled with dozens of heart opening meditations and yoga sets.